This Fairy Tale of Mine

I hate starting new blogs. Well, I hate the first post of a new blog. I never know what to write and it seems to be awkward. But here it goes.

For those of you that don't know me, I'm 24 years old, married to the man of my dreams who happens to be away at boot camp for the USMC, and momma to a beautiful, sassy, tomboy of a baby girl, though she just turned 4. I attend school full time via internet, I work full time at a hotel as a front desk attendant, along with juggling my family and social life.

I'm really trying to stay positive these days, especially since Tyler is at boot and I'm more or less a single mommy. I always knew he wanted to join the military, I just wasn't sure if - and when - it would happen. I'm glad he did, it gives him a career and something to be proud of instead of the dead end construction or welding jobs he was working here in Valentine. Plus, the uniforms are hot. Bonus for his wife!

I've become a pro at writing letters with as much detail, leaving out drama and negativity and trying to keep the amount of "I miss you's" relatively small. I refuse to look at the date on a calendar, I refuse to count down the days until he graduates. I take each day from sun up to sun down, as he takes each day from chow to chow.

I've been having a rough few days. It's not easy being alone all the time. Yes, I have family around, I have some friends around. But that's not the same as someone you have such a deep bond with, being with someone you enjoy every minute of there presence. I had this irrational hope of it being okay after a few days; that I would get used to it almost instantly. That's probably the biggest lie I've ever told myself.

I never wanted to depend on anyone but myself. I didn't want to be 'just' a house wife, a stay at home mom. I didn't want my entire world to revolve around a single man. And it may not revolve around him completely, but it revolves around him quite a bit. Tomorrow will be two weeks since he left. I still find myself rolling over to in the mornings to complain that I don't want to get up so early work, and he's not there. I find myself laughing at something through out the day, or getting angry at something, and immediately scrolling to his number in my contacts to call him or send him a quick text. And for what? His phone is sitting on the desk at home.

I know he signed up for this. That we came to an agreement when he signed up for this. I get that. But that doesn't make such a big life change any easier. For the past almost five years, I have talked to him every day, at least once a day. And now, I write letters that will be a week or two behind by the time he gets them. I'm not 100% positive as to what I expected in all this. I guess I thought I knew what to expect... but man, was I way off.

Maybe in a couple days, it'll get better. Maybe in a couple weeks. There are good times, then there are bad.

Thank you for all of your support. It's a huge blessing to have people that care and love us in our lives. I know we'll make it, that we'll be stronger. I'll try to update you all as often as possible.

I also have Tyler's address if anyone would like to write him encouraging letters - please do not include any drama or discouraging thoughts. He needs to stay positive.