I have a heavy heart. I'm in denial that the holidays are coming up. I love Thanksgiving, I love Christmas. I love being with family and friends, laughing late into the night, hanging out with my cousins that I don't see often anymore, it's my favorite part of the year. (Right behind summer, of course. I am not a fan of 20 below weather.)
But this year is different. And I'm sure there will be many years in his career with the Marine Corp that I won't be spending the holidays with him. As I'm bundled up in my Aunt & Uncle's house tomorrow night, having an alcoholic beverage, maybe playing cards and laughing all night, he's training. Of course, it's not near as cold there as it is here so he has one up on me...
I received another letter yesterday. I'm like a kid on Christmas - which is exactly the way he described his feelings when he finally received my letters. There's nothing more comforting than to hear he's okay. He had to take a few days off drill this past week (he wrote this on the 21st) due to dentist appointments. He got glasses through the MCRD but he doesn't necessarily need them. He said the PT work outs are pretty tough - they're only gonna get tougher. He's doing well otherwise, just needs to remember a lot of stuff to keep his squad leader position. He asked for pictures - which I sent the day before I got his letter - because it'd be good motivation for him. He also said that some of the other recruits have shown him pictures of "their ol' lady's" (Yup, I'm his "ol' lady") and they "don't have shit" on me, apparently, haha. Silly boy definitely knows how to make his wife smile.
Some days are definitely better than others - we're going on the fourth week of him being gone so it's not as hard as it was when he first left. Especially now that I have letters to look forward to. I'm ready to get this over with. I'm not ready to spend over $500 in airline tickets in January - especially if we take Ella with. I'm not sure how I feel about that as we'll be super busy. Flying Wednesday, family day Thursday, Graduation Friday, sight seeing Saturday and flying home Sunday. Something that I need to ask Tyler how he feels about. If he definitely wants her to come, then I'll take her. If not, I think it'd be a blast to surprise her... I want to get her a ride on Camaro for Christmas and I'd totally be okay waiting to get that for her until February, more or less, so that he can be there when she gets it. The next big task to accomplish would be to get someone to watch her from Wednesday until Sunday. I'm pretty sure I could talk to his Aunt Linda and her daycare provider, Amanda, and we could work something out. I'll probably write a letter asking him soon because I need to start looking into purchasing airline tickets.
Other than that, there's not much going on. I try not to go to the bars much because the drama isn't worth it to me. I don't need rumors going around, and definitely don't need rumors to get back to Tyler.
64 days. 64 more days of writing letters, maybe a phone call or two, working like crazy, etc. Also homework to do, of course. Three holidays to bust through - yes, New Years is a holiday to me! - and deal with family asking me how I'm doing and how he's doing. In his letter, he said, "I know you're doing well as strong of a person that you are."
"You are given this life because you are strong enough to handle it."
With that being said, I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Don't eat too much.
Also, Happy Thanksgiving to all the troops out there that won't be with their loved ones. Because of you, we're able to celebrate Thanksgiving.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
The First of Many
I got my first letter from Tyler today. Of course I cried. Who wouldn't?
He says that it's definitely not the mind warp he thought it would be. I don't think he understands how strong he is, mentally and physically. He's a Squad Leader, too! I'm sure he's going to get sick of all the younger guys he's with, which he's already said he is. But he's doing well and that's all I needed to hear.
I still have my bad days. They're more like just being lonely. I know I have plenty of support, plenty of friends. I just have my bad days. Now that I'm getting letters, I feel a thousand times better. I feel like I can breathe again.
As I said before, I never felt that I needed to depend on a man. In ways, I don't. I'm still very independent. But at the same time, this boy is my whole entire world. I knew that him joining the Marine Corp was going to be rough for both of us - I'm the one sitting at home, in his parents house, around his hometown with all the people that he's grown up with. There's not a single place in this town that doesn't remind me of him. I never realized how much I did depend on him... for my happiness. I guess that's what it's really all about, huh?
I'll keep you all updated as I get letters. As I said in the previous post, I have his address for anyone that would like to send him an encouraging note. And once again, thank you so much for all the support. I know that a lot of you that are supporting me are more than just a drive across town, but it's comforting to know that anyone will listen if I need to vent. Thank you!
He says that it's definitely not the mind warp he thought it would be. I don't think he understands how strong he is, mentally and physically. He's a Squad Leader, too! I'm sure he's going to get sick of all the younger guys he's with, which he's already said he is. But he's doing well and that's all I needed to hear.
I still have my bad days. They're more like just being lonely. I know I have plenty of support, plenty of friends. I just have my bad days. Now that I'm getting letters, I feel a thousand times better. I feel like I can breathe again.
As I said before, I never felt that I needed to depend on a man. In ways, I don't. I'm still very independent. But at the same time, this boy is my whole entire world. I knew that him joining the Marine Corp was going to be rough for both of us - I'm the one sitting at home, in his parents house, around his hometown with all the people that he's grown up with. There's not a single place in this town that doesn't remind me of him. I never realized how much I did depend on him... for my happiness. I guess that's what it's really all about, huh?
I'll keep you all updated as I get letters. As I said in the previous post, I have his address for anyone that would like to send him an encouraging note. And once again, thank you so much for all the support. I know that a lot of you that are supporting me are more than just a drive across town, but it's comforting to know that anyone will listen if I need to vent. Thank you!
Saturday, November 16, 2013
This Fairy Tale of Mine
I hate starting new blogs. Well, I hate the first post of a new blog. I never know what to write and it seems to be awkward. But here it goes.
For those of you that don't know me, I'm 24 years old, married to the man of my dreams who happens to be away at boot camp for the USMC, and momma to a beautiful, sassy, tomboy of a baby girl, though she just turned 4. I attend school full time via internet, I work full time at a hotel as a front desk attendant, along with juggling my family and social life.
I'm really trying to stay positive these days, especially since Tyler is at boot and I'm more or less a single mommy. I always knew he wanted to join the military, I just wasn't sure if - and when - it would happen. I'm glad he did, it gives him a career and something to be proud of instead of the dead end construction or welding jobs he was working here in Valentine. Plus, the uniforms are hot. Bonus for his wife!
I've become a pro at writing letters with as much detail, leaving out drama and negativity and trying to keep the amount of "I miss you's" relatively small. I refuse to look at the date on a calendar, I refuse to count down the days until he graduates. I take each day from sun up to sun down, as he takes each day from chow to chow.
I've been having a rough few days. It's not easy being alone all the time. Yes, I have family around, I have some friends around. But that's not the same as someone you have such a deep bond with, being with someone you enjoy every minute of there presence. I had this irrational hope of it being okay after a few days; that I would get used to it almost instantly. That's probably the biggest lie I've ever told myself.
I never wanted to depend on anyone but myself. I didn't want to be 'just' a house wife, a stay at home mom. I didn't want my entire world to revolve around a single man. And it may not revolve around him completely, but it revolves around him quite a bit. Tomorrow will be two weeks since he left. I still find myself rolling over to in the mornings to complain that I don't want to get up so early work, and he's not there. I find myself laughing at something through out the day, or getting angry at something, and immediately scrolling to his number in my contacts to call him or send him a quick text. And for what? His phone is sitting on the desk at home.
I know he signed up for this. That we came to an agreement when he signed up for this. I get that. But that doesn't make such a big life change any easier. For the past almost five years, I have talked to him every day, at least once a day. And now, I write letters that will be a week or two behind by the time he gets them. I'm not 100% positive as to what I expected in all this. I guess I thought I knew what to expect... but man, was I way off.
Maybe in a couple days, it'll get better. Maybe in a couple weeks. There are good times, then there are bad.
Thank you for all of your support. It's a huge blessing to have people that care and love us in our lives. I know we'll make it, that we'll be stronger. I'll try to update you all as often as possible.
I also have Tyler's address if anyone would like to write him encouraging letters - please do not include any drama or discouraging thoughts. He needs to stay positive.
For those of you that don't know me, I'm 24 years old, married to the man of my dreams who happens to be away at boot camp for the USMC, and momma to a beautiful, sassy, tomboy of a baby girl, though she just turned 4. I attend school full time via internet, I work full time at a hotel as a front desk attendant, along with juggling my family and social life.
I'm really trying to stay positive these days, especially since Tyler is at boot and I'm more or less a single mommy. I always knew he wanted to join the military, I just wasn't sure if - and when - it would happen. I'm glad he did, it gives him a career and something to be proud of instead of the dead end construction or welding jobs he was working here in Valentine. Plus, the uniforms are hot. Bonus for his wife!
I've become a pro at writing letters with as much detail, leaving out drama and negativity and trying to keep the amount of "I miss you's" relatively small. I refuse to look at the date on a calendar, I refuse to count down the days until he graduates. I take each day from sun up to sun down, as he takes each day from chow to chow.
I've been having a rough few days. It's not easy being alone all the time. Yes, I have family around, I have some friends around. But that's not the same as someone you have such a deep bond with, being with someone you enjoy every minute of there presence. I had this irrational hope of it being okay after a few days; that I would get used to it almost instantly. That's probably the biggest lie I've ever told myself.
I never wanted to depend on anyone but myself. I didn't want to be 'just' a house wife, a stay at home mom. I didn't want my entire world to revolve around a single man. And it may not revolve around him completely, but it revolves around him quite a bit. Tomorrow will be two weeks since he left. I still find myself rolling over to in the mornings to complain that I don't want to get up so early work, and he's not there. I find myself laughing at something through out the day, or getting angry at something, and immediately scrolling to his number in my contacts to call him or send him a quick text. And for what? His phone is sitting on the desk at home.
I know he signed up for this. That we came to an agreement when he signed up for this. I get that. But that doesn't make such a big life change any easier. For the past almost five years, I have talked to him every day, at least once a day. And now, I write letters that will be a week or two behind by the time he gets them. I'm not 100% positive as to what I expected in all this. I guess I thought I knew what to expect... but man, was I way off.
Maybe in a couple days, it'll get better. Maybe in a couple weeks. There are good times, then there are bad.
Thank you for all of your support. It's a huge blessing to have people that care and love us in our lives. I know we'll make it, that we'll be stronger. I'll try to update you all as often as possible.
I also have Tyler's address if anyone would like to write him encouraging letters - please do not include any drama or discouraging thoughts. He needs to stay positive.
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